1. It's not as easy as throwing your bike in the shower and hosing it down. Chances are, the bike doesn't fit in the shower cubicle.
2. There are bits and bobs that have grease and require soap to get rid of. Yet it's close to impossible to get rid of grease that gets on your skin.
3. You need to dry your bike thoroughly before putting any lubricant. Apparently, not with a hairdryer.
4. Putting lubricant creates an epic mess. And no, you're not supposed to put it everywhere.
5. I'm not above bribing the experts with offers of food in return for cleaning my bike (thanks ACG!).