Wednesday, November 26, 2008

It's Almost Official (Yes, The D-Word)

Ah, I guess it's about time to write about what has been going on in my personal life in the past couple of months. I've been rather silent about it here (except to my close friends who have gotten every single detail haha) because I just wanted to see how things pan out. Plus, I didn't want to write anything while I was angry and hurt.

Anyway, it's almost official. The Hubby and I are splitting. The papers have been filed, the first mandatory counseling session has been attended (yesterday) and the clothes have ALL been packed.

I've got nothing tying me back now, I guess, except that I've got to wait for the courts to continue processing the paperwork and make everything official. Plus, I guess I should update my Facebook status too. Hahahahaha.

I sound so calm now because I've had plenty of time to think about things and have come to accept the decision that has been made. The Nepal/Bhutan trip was a perfect opportunity for me to reflect upon the situation and really think about what I wanted and I've also had the support and counsel of my family and close friends.

The reasons are personal, of course, but I must say I have no regrets. I cannot say that I didn't try hard enough, and I can walk out of the door with my head held high and with the knowledge that I did my best. Whether or not I think the effort was reciprocated, I don't know but there wasn't any scandal, in case any one was wondering. No cheating spouses, no illegitimate children suddenly showing up, no physical or emotional abuse.

In fact, it was mostly circumstantial and splitting up was just the most practical solution that we felt would solve the problem. Of course, a split doesn't bring out the best in people, and I was surprised to see my spouse in an entirely new light. Sometimes wonder if I really knew him as well as I thought I did at all.

Of course, it's not been easy and in the last 24 hours alone, I've been through the entire gamut of emotions that one could possibly feel. But like I've said before, I'm surrounded by so many people who care.

Interestingly, the counseling session wasn't as tough as I imagined it to be (it was over in less than 30 minutes!). The counselor asked us why we wanted to get a divorce, listened to our sides of the story, asked us if we were sure whether or not we wanted to try, and when we said "no" she just said that she'll get the paperwork processed.

I was surprised that she didn't try to analyse the situation more thoroughly though, and I can easily think of a number of people who would probably do a better job at least in asking questions and trying to find out what the full story was (cousin.e comes to mind, hehe). Then again, we were rather adamant about going our separate ways.

Well, I'm fine ok holding up now. I've had some really low moments, and it wasn't the easiest thing to say that you don't want to try to make your marriage work anymore. However, I know I'll move on and that things will eventually get better. I know what are the things I need to do now (get a job!) and the steps I need to take to make this entire process easier to bear. *thinking positively*

6 comments:

Ki said...

All things considered, you're holding up pretty well.

There will be days when all you want to do is curl up into oblivion, but there will also be days when you're more at peace.

Take comfort in knowing that there are those who care, and surround yourself with their love. And lots of chocolate.

*hugs*

bev said...

Hi Bona, I kind of figured it out even before you mentioned it from your previous posts. Hope you are fine, perhaps we could catch up one of these days over coffee, it's been a really long time since we last saw each other :) -Bev

simply me said...

hang tight bon! :) it will get better *hugs* - ps

Ele said...

*hugs*

bunnygoeszen said...

Thanks all :)

bev said...

Yeah it's been a long time! I'm working at MCYS in the Sports Division, been there for the past year. Lets meet up sometime :)