I'm feeling slightly better today. Perhaps it was the dream / visualisation, perhaps it was being told that I am very clever for thinking of turning off the waterworks. But whatever it is, I feel lighter today and can breathe slightly easier. The feeling of being overwhelmed has gone down a little.
And this is good. This is progress from the mess that I was just yesterday, when my crazies hit a new low.
Yesterday I felt like stabbing myself in the heart. Taking one of the shiny, brand new WMF knives and just plunging it through my chest. Of course, I had the sanity not to do it cos it too hard to stab self, plus it'll probably be very messy. And not to forget, sibei sia suay.
I also somehow managed to convince myself that the grasshopper had not broken up with me, and that there was still hope for the two of us. Thank god logical-me (and all the friends I told) knocked some sense into my head.
LGG gave me a call and told me to do some deep breathing and meditation and visualisation. And I guess it helped / is helping. Less crazy and first smile in a week is always a good sign.