That's what I told the driver as he looked at me with great concern. He was wondering why I was crying in the back of the car, concluded that I was not feeling well and wanted to bring me to the hospital.
Being back in Bangalore is tougher than I expected. Much tougher. I feel like I'm smack at the beginning. The pain is so raw. Everything triggers the waterworks. It's hard to breath. And I just want to disappear and fade away.
As the car drove down the highway, I see the familiar sights. The billboards. The cafe coffee day. The petrol kiosks.
Random thoughts fill my mind. I want to tell the driver to take a detour. I want to drive to his place and see if his car is parked there. I want to call him. I want to meet him. I want..
I just want the pain to end.
But it's pointless. Logical-me knows it won't achieve anything. And what will I say anyway? Thanks for breaking my heart. Thanks for lying about everything. Thanks for making me believe that what we had was special. Thanks for shattering all of that.
Ah well. Life goes on. It does. I just wish I didn't have to be here right now.