Oh my, oh my, oh my! How come I've never seen this blog before? It's HILARIOUS. I can't stop laughing! Apparently this is stuff he says when he's asleep, and his wife records it down and blogs them for the world to enjoy.
Some of my favourites (there are too many!):
"I'm the epitome of seeing is believing. Once you see me, you'll believe there is a god."
"If you look at me again, I'm gonna bugger your fucking eyeballs and eat them, so you stare at my shit."
"You're undiluted brilliance, awesome to a point of purity. You're— oh, sorry, I was projecting. You're an arse."
"Of course I'll buy you flowers... when you're dead. Simply out of celebration, mind."
"Okay, okay, you've got to meet me halfway here, alright? I'm sorry for smacking you in the face, but, you've got to apologize for existing."
"It's not sweat. It's my aura glistening."
"Kiss my fist. Oh, look! It wants to kiss you back. So. Many. Fucking. Times!"
"I would gargle contents of the arseholes of the recently dead than go out with you. It's not a hard choice really."
LOLOLOLOL! Which are your favourites?